so, it's been awhile!

My babies are here! In fact, tomorrow they will be 4 weeks old. My life has been a crazy whirlwind in the last month, it's kind of hard to wrap my head around it.

First, my birth story, written the day after their birth:


My water broke at 5:30 am Sat morning, June 12, 2011, at exactly 30 weeks. My parents drove me to Kingston to get me checked out. At that point no contractions at all. They decided to admit me because I live so far away and once the membranes break, you can go into labour at any time. So the goal was to keep me in the hospital until 34 weeks and then they would induce. Chris was at work in Toronto, so I called him and he headed home.

He got there as I settled into a maternity room to wait out (hopefully) 4 weeks of hospital rest. Which means I could get up and walk around but not go home or anything. I sent C home around 2:30 to sleep, since he had been up since 4am to go to work They brought me a decent meal of meat loaf with onion sauce, some rice and various other things for dinner. Sweet!

Then, just after dinner, at 5:30 in the evening I started to have contractions! Eek! They brought the doc in to have a look, and I was starting to efface and dilate. So they moved me back from recovery to labour and delivery. I called Chris and he headed back to the hospital. From there things went pretty fast. I went from 3cm to 9.5 cm from 7-10pm. At abt 5 cm the doc came in to put in the epidural. Got the line in-- took forevarrrrr! And then she left on a code somewhere.

In the meantime, Chris got there and helped me through contractions with my awesome L&D nurse, Sue. Sue was getting pissed for me and she paged the anaesthesiologist to get back and put my meds in! Wtf! Anyway, so by then I was 7 and on the verge of not being able to get the drugs at all! Once the drugs kicked in though, everything was Lovely!

C and I were able to snooze actually until I was fully dilated and the Doc and team was ready to go.

At about 2:00-ish it was time to push. I pushed for about an hour and a half and I was not progressing. Not for a lack of effort! I was actually pushing really well, just not getting anywhere.

So the decision was made at 3:30am to have a section. From there things went really fast, wheeling me into OR, topping up my meds, etc. Chris was the last one brought in and it was a tight squeeze. There were at least 15 people in the OR!

Avery was born at 4:24 weighing a nice and super healthy 3lbs 12 Oz. She was in quite a bit of distress from trying to be pushed out. Her first apgar was 1 but at 5 mins she was an 8. I didn't get to see either of them at all. They both went with their team to the NICU to be worked on.

Sydney was totally transverse at the very tip of my uterus. The doc told me later, no way was she coming out vaginally, so thank goodness we went with the straight section before it became an emergency. Anyway, she was 3lbs exactly and her apgars were 5 and 8.

I was just so exhausted from the long day and crazy pushing, I could barely keep my eyes open in the OR. Every time I did though, Chris was right there telling me I was doing a great job!

So that's my birth story!

Brand new babies!

Avery Pamela


Sydney Carolanne


It's a little crazy how totally different they look! Avery is so fair, with light hair and blue eyes, and Sydney has dark hair, and I think her eyes will turn brown. And here I was wondering if I'd be able to tell them apart!

Every day now, they continue to grow and make milestones. Avery is now over 5lbs, and Sydney over 4lbs. They are in a crib together, and hopefully they will be able to come home soon!

2 week countdown!

2 Weeks and I am finished work. I cannot wait!

I've even worked it out to 9 working days.

I can do that, right? I can make it!

Meanwhile, our stash of savings is almost completely depleted. :( I do feel good though because we were able to get most everything on sale or at a really great price (thank you border shopping!) Just a few minor things left on our list and the room will be ready to be put together!

It's been really hard for me to refrain from buying cute outfits for the girls, but I really can't justify buying anything. I have bins and bins and bins of clothes from friends and friends of friends, and kijiji finds, but dang, sometimes you just see something really really cute and you just have to get it! I sneak these things in the house and throw it in a bin. DH will never know the difference!! ;)

Lots of great things coming up soon. A girls get together next weekend, my second shower in 2 weeks time, and my maternity photo shoot just after that. I can't wait. Good times ahead! And being off! YAY!

She works hard for her money!

I'm struggling when to go off. My next full OB appt is on the 31st and I think I will go off then, or at least get my note to go off the following week. I'm starting to get large and uncomfortable, and I know by then it will be worse! I will be 29 weeks by then.

I just hate people who have an opinion on everything I do. When people ask when I'm going off, they are like oh, that early? Grrrrr. Yes that early! Leave me alone if you are going to be all judgy! Yes, maybe with your singleton pregnancy you worked until the day before your water broke, but you have to understand, I'm the size NOW that you were at 30 weeks. My back is killing me. I'm exhausted all the time. I can really tell the difference in the last 2 weeks.

For me, yes, I think, man I could be off 2 months before the babies come, but it's not really about how long I'm off, it's what I can and can't do at this time in my pregnancy. My OB says that anywhere from 24-28 weeks is pretty standard for twins, so I think that's ok by me.

Plus I have to look at my wacky pay schedule. The cut off for my commissions will be June 8th. If I don't take it then, it will be another month before there is another comission cheque, and I don't want a cheque in my waiting period to mess up my EI waiting period, so there it is. 7th or 8th of June is my target. A month. I can do it!!

Viability!

24 weeks marks an impressive milestone. The babies have hit viability. That is to say, if the babies were to make an appearance from here on out, they doctors will try everything in their power to save them.

At our appointment yesterday, one babe was 2.2lbs with a 148 heartbeat, and the other was 1.8lbs with a 156 heartbeat. All within 'normal' ranges. My cervix is nice and long and closed. These babies are sticking put for some time, and that's a relief.

Everything with me is going well. I've gained over 30lbs now. He's also happy with that, noting that at term, he'd like to see somewhere between 50-60lbs on me. Ouch. That's TONS to me, but whatever it takes for my girls to arrive safe and plump is whatever I will do. Bring on the cupcakes?

I feel like I might have a month's worth of work left at the most. It's exhausting being at work, but I don't want to go off too early. My bank balance needs me in as long as possible!

We were surprised with 3D pictures at this ultrasound. How amazing are THESE!!

A rose by any other name...

So we have decided on names. I would say finally, but for many expecting parents, this process sometimes is not fast and easy and is left until moments before they leave the hospital!

From the beginning, we had agreed that C would name the boys, and I would name the girls. Well, with having 2 girls, that kind of trips things up, so he names one and I got the other, and hopefully a) I wouldn't totally hate his choice and b) it didn't clash with my names!

So without further ado, our baby girls will be:

Avery Pamela
Sydney Carolanne

The middle names are after our moms. Just shortly after our decision, we were shopping and C found these, which I think was fate, because they really aren't super popular names, and to find them both was just awesome.





I had a quick doctors appointment yesterday as well. Up 25lbs (eek), blood pressure spot on, and the girls heartrates were 156 and 152. I'm not sure how much longer I will see this doctor, I'll likely be trekking to Kingston exclusively pretty soon.

It's been so nice to be off this week. We (as in C) cleared out the guest room, and we made a bunch of purchases. Up next is painting the room, ripping out the old carpet and laying down our new cork floor (yay!) and putting furniture together! Awesome! I hope to have the 'bones' of the nursery done within the next 2 weeks, so I can get on to decorating. Many ideas are floating around up in here, I hope I can pull it all together!

C also felt the baby kick this week, an amazing milestone! What a way to celebrate our third Anniversary: sanding, priming, painting!

Next peek at the girls will be in 2 weeks. I can't wait. I'm stepping back from the support group that I have been a part of since the beginning of my IVF journey. So many of the moms-to-be are experiencing complications, especially thinning of the cervix, I just can't deal with that now. I need positive energy and positive thoughts only! I haven't even had a measurement of my cervix, and I'm rather happy living in this denial right now, thanks. I'll know enough in 2 weeks.

As much as I want to stay working for bringing in much needed income, I'm really really looking forward to being off. I'm going to miss my afternoon naps when I go back to work tomorrow!

Sugar and Spice

It's been far too long since my last update.

Things have been a little overwhelming since we had our anatomy ultrasound a few weeks ago. First and most importantly, we found out we are having 2 girls! YES! It's crazy and amazing all at the same time. We both had a few moments of sadness that there wasn't a boy in there, but we are both over the shock. By the time we were on our way home from the hospital, we were both saying "my girls...." this and that. Oh, by the way, they will both be doctors (on scholarship of course), and they will both marry doctors, just so you know. ;)

We are getting there with names too, that will be finalized very soon. We are both pretty laid back, and have both had lists of names (in which NO name came up on both lists...). We will do some compromising I'm sure, but in the end, they will be two beautiful names for 2 beautiful girls.

Also, now that we have our genders, we are in full on plan mode for the nursery (still weird saying that word!!) I'm currently putting together an inspiration board that will hopefully translate from all the ideas in my head. In some ways it's easier to plan the nursery now that they are two of the same sex, but I'm still going to shy away from the traditional pink. To be honest, I'm not a huge pink fan, and I figure, I will be spending LOTS of time up there in that room, so for the time being, it will look how *I* want it to look.

Here's how they were looking a few weeks ago! Look at their little button noses!! So cute! I'm amazed at the clarity of these images. 3 weeks till the next peek!

Overwhelmance

16 weeks. 4 months. Avocados. Any way you look at it, things are moving along! It is kind of crazy in my mind right now. I'm half way between denial and acceptance and overwhelmance, if that's a word.

I mean I know the babies are coming, obviously. My problem is this, the reality of what the first 3 months is going to be is starting to set in with me. I'm starting to read things, you see, and get a feeling for what a zoo it's truly going to be. Eat, burp, poop, sleep. Repeat, repeat repeat!! Oh, and times 2!

I'm excited, don't get me wrong! I'm filling out my registry like nobody's business, stalking kijiji and craigslist for deals and just counting the days until I see the babes again, in 2 weeks! Hopefully the babes will cooperate.

I've been having some anxiety the last few weeks, because although my belly is getting bigger, and I'm still tired all. the. time., I really wasn't feeling very pregnant. I have a feeling that turn in the corner is coming very soon. I'm getting bigger, my back is starting to hurt, heartburn.. the works! And this is early yet!

4 months though. Pretty awesome.

Flutterings

I am 15 weeks exactly today. Little navel oranges according to my nifty little ticker up there. All the books tell you in your 16th week you might start to feel the flutterings of movement.

Right on schedule I was awakened at 2am with unmistakable flutterings of movement in my belly. It woke me right up out of a dead sleep. It was the craziest and most amazing feeling I've ever felt. Very much like the fluttering wings of a butterfly.

I'm amazed at the beauty of creating life.

It's raining here today. Spring is on it's way, like a sign. New beginnings.

I like it. I like it a lot.

Realizations

So I'm lying here in bed and all of a sudden it hits me: I'm going to be a Mom. I'm going to be responsible for 2 living, breathing human beings for the rest of my life.

It's funny how something that started so abstract is slowly coming into focus. Seeing the babies on the ultrasound screen kind of really did it for me, moreso now, because they are actually looking more and more human. These creatures are inside me, growing and developing every day. It kind of blows your mind.

In my brain, I'm focusing on lists, things we need to do, things we need to buy, doctors appointments, tests, blood work.. You know, practicalities. My heart has been guarded. Each step in this long process has brought me closer to reality, but at any given instant, things could always go horribly wrong. I've seen it. Now though, it's real. It's happening. And here comes that standby: fear.

But you know, women for generations, thousands of years have had babies. Why can't I? I can, and that's the first time in a very long time I can actually say that. I can do this. I will. It's in me, it's just been hiding.

Here's my babies from the 13 week scan. Aren't they beautiful? I'm still hoping for one of each. We will know in about 5 weeks. I hope!







- Posted from my iphone!

Milestones

I'm not sure why, but doctors will place the second trimester at either the 12th or 13th week of pregnancy. I will be 13 weeks tomorrow, so either way, I'm finally out of the first tri. It has seemed like forever because I knew literally the day, hour even, of conception. Most women don't even realize they are pregnant until they are 8-9 weeks. I've known FOREVER it seems! :)

Tomorrow is a big day! Our screening ultrasound, and meeting our new (again, I know!) doctor. I hope we can get to take home a picture of the babies, but in the meantime, I'll leave you with a picture of my current ones:

Growing Pains

I have never been pregnant before. So this journey is fraught with new experiences at every turn. I have no idea what is 'normal' and what might be unusual, except to read pregnancy books, listen to people who have been there before, and lean on my support group that is going through the same things that I am now. I'm learning each of these options holds it's own dangers! Books tend to be fatalistic when it comes to nutrition guidelines. If you aren't eating your correct allotment of fruits, veggies and proteins; if you are succumbing to sugar treats now and again, your kid or kids will come out with 3 eyeballs and obese for life. No thanks! I'm just trying to eat what I can right now to survive! If that means frying up some hot dogs, then hot damn, that's what I'm going to do!

Talking to friends who have been there isn't much better. They project their own experiences on to me (especially the bad ones I find!). Oh you just wait they say. XYZ is on the way! The one advantage of being practically ancient being pregnant is that most of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant a dogs age ago. Times have changed in 15 years! Plus, what kind if friend tells me the most gory of goriest birth stories with pleasure?! Thanks but no thanks!

I'm so thankful to have a wonderful support group in place already of women who have just gone through ART with me who have had success. Most are first time mom's, some already have kids. The great thing is that we are going through this together at the same time, so when I explain my hot dog plight, they are right there with me.

I still don't really 'feel' pregnant, but that's probably because I haven't been sick. At all. I'm worried that nothing is happening down there, but at the same time, things ARE happening. At times, especially now, in the middle of the night, I feel my abs literally ripping. This is because my uterus is rising up out of my pelvis. I'm happy for this, because at least soon I will look pregnant, even if I'm not feeling it!

I check my day-by-day progress with 'the bump', because you know, there's an app for that!

Less than 2 weeks till ultrasound. I'm stoked to see the little ones. It might make it just a little more real, because frankly, I still feel like it's just a dream.

First appointment!!

I had my first OB appointment today.

First of all, as I suspected, I will not be giving birth here in Brockville. This hospital is not equipped with a NICU, nor do they have high risk doctors here. SO, I will see this doctor only 1 more time, and be referred to Kingston to a high risk OB. Kingston is about an hour away, so not too horrible (I say that now until I have to go every 2 weeks then every week for appointments!!)

I declined the IPS screening even before the doctor had a chance to tell me he wouldn't do it anyway for twins, but we are having the nuchal ultrasound, and that should be in 2-3 weeks!! YAY! If I didn't want the nuchal, the next ultrasound wouldn't be until 18-20 weeks for anatomy. No way I was waiting that long!

I did not see the babies today, but we did try the doplar. We got to hear 1 heartbeat, but the other was too hidden, and was being masked by my heartbeat. The resident that did the dopplar said not to worry at all, it was likely too early to hear anything anyway, but hearing that 1 heartbeat was amazing!

Other than that, they checked my blood pressure, did urine and a PAP test and 6 vials of blood! I should hear soon about when the nuchal ultrasound is. I hope it's on a day that C is off, because I know he will want to see the babes again!

Two for the price of... let's not go there!

So we are having twins! YES!

Wow, what an overwhelming and exciting day yesterday was!

Seeing those little heartbeats was just phenomenal. Baby A's heartbeat was 171 and baby B's was 176. They are both measuring 8W2D (I'm 8W3D right now, so right on target).

So of course it's exciting, but it's also just starting to hit me. This is going to be a LOT harder than I thought it was going to be. Never mind how much harder it's going to be on my body, I have zero experience with babies, and now there will be two!

This is going to be an exciting an terrifying 7 months, and 18 years besides that!

And because EVERY post should have a picture, This is about as sweet as it gets:

Just one more sleep

One more sleep, 1 more day until this epic wait for my ultrasound ends. Seriously, who does this to a pregnant person? Makes them wait so long? All the girls who had transfers near me had their ultrasounds long ago! Maybe it was my rediculous beta. Still though, geeze. I'm dyin over here! Not only that, hubbs and I are REALLY looking forward to be cleared sex. Yes, it's been a long long time. I won't scare you on how long it's been!

The hubbs and I are just hoping to finally get a plan going. We only have a finite time that babies cook for you realize. Finances, nursery, diapers, oh my!

Huzzah! Until tomorrow!

Jinxed

Bah. 8 weeks, 0 days and I spoke to soon.

I threw up the other night, JUST because I had said I was feeling fine, I'm sure of it! Funny though, hugging the toilet, my first thought was... musta ate something bad, or I'm coming down with the flu. Actually no, I'm freaking pregnant!

Since then, I've been back to feeling generally queasy, but not full on pukey. I talked to my mom yesterday, and she doesn't remember being exceptionally sick either, enough to call in sick or be late for work. So I'm hoping that's just one of those hereditary things, and the pukey pukey stays away.

On another note, while we were discussing morning sickness, I asked about strech marks (she had a few but not too bad) and I already knew about the labour thing. The McNulty women are blessed with super fast labours. Please please let that be the case for me!

Still, cart before the horse here. 3 sleeps until ultrasound. I'm starting to get anxiety that there will be no heartbeats and this will all be for naught. This infertility thing really EFFS with your mind. Always anxiously waiting the next step. I mean sure, I had a solid (high even) beta. But that's no guarantee that everything is OK. Even after the ultrasound turns out OK (RIGHT!!), I'm still only 8 weeks. Another 4 weeks to get out of the dreaded 1st trimester when things can still go horribly wrong.

What's wrong with me? I need to be more positive here, but I'm not sure how. I'm all smiles and happy faces to everyone, but my inner self is still a self-concious terrified little girl.

3 sleeps, and more questions answered. Snowflakes are now raspberry sized. mmm raspberries....

Getting caught up (again)

I have 3 semi-written blog posts left in draft mode. Such a horrible blogger I am!

I am happy to report a the new cycle went most excellently! 7 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized, 3 put back (against the RE’s advice to put 2 back). The 2 week wait was endurable, but I still cheated on the last morning and tested with a pregnancy test. Digital this time, no mistaking when the window says ‘YES’.

So on a snowy Friday morning I go in for my beta. I feel different from the last time, most notably, no bleeding at all. The nurses are always excited when they see that HCG on the requisition. I’m nervous, but my favourite nurse is drawing my blood, so I chat with her for a bit, and tell her no offense, but I hope this is the last time I see her.

I’m back at work waiting for the results. Usually they call between 2-3 in the afternoon, so as I’m sitting at my desk with my boss, J, I jokingly check my phone. “Just making sure it’s still on” I say. Literally 10 seconds later the phone rings, it’s them. J asks, should I stay.. should I leave? I say STAY!!! The nurse asks if I’m sitting down. You are very very pregnant she says.

Beta’s can be all over the place you know, but I was not expecting the number she said. In fact, I didn’t write it down because I was so in shock. Typically a singleton beta is about 3-400. My beta is 1466. Very pregnant indeed. I just about hit the floor.

That was a very long 21 days ago. I have to wait a ridiculously long time for my ultrasound, still 5 days away, on Thursday. My girls have taken up a pool about how many snowflakes I got cooking in there. The results so far: 2 people for 1 single baby. (thanks girls!!) 12 for twins, and 10 for trips. Good gravy. Triplets. I can’t even imagine. I myself am leaning towards twins. 1 boy, 1 girl. Perfect.

I’ve been keeping track of my weights and measurements from about week 5 or so. I’ve gained 3-4 pounds, but holy smokes, my waist measurement is up 2.5 inches! My pants barely fit. I bought cheapy Walmart maternity pants, and they feel like bliss. My ticker above says my embies are the size of blueberries right now, why am I so big already?

Still ever the cautionist, I will not believe anything is for sure until I have the ultrasound and see an actual heartbeat(s!). Of course, I’m reading horror stories of ultrasounds with no heartbeats, missed miscarriages and other sad stories. I want to believe that this is it for us, that we are on our way to our dream of being a mom and dad. Will you believe with me?