YAY for companionship!

I just found out a good friend from NYC is going to be doing IVF at the same time as me. Well earlier likely, since I haven't even had my consult yet, and they are well on their way to making it happen. At least I will have someone to talk to about the process and whole overwhelming-ness of it all that I'm SURE will happen once I get going on the whole thing.

I'm not normally an impatient person, but can we get started? Like NOW?

Wow

Here is one of those life altering moments in your life. Terrifying but at the same time profound.

My parents have offered to pay for IVF. This is what Chris and I planned on asking them when we asked them to dinner Wednesday, but they beat us to it, unfathomably. We just got back from the Dominican. We talked at length about just asking them. Which in itself might have been the hardest conversation I've ever had, saved by them thinking of it first? Insane. Dad did most of the talking, and in the back of my mind, I just kept thinking, how incredible. I'm still obviously beyond words. How do you even begin to thank someone for giving you a gift like that?

But, the option, the hope that I might be a mother scares me. I had started to come to terms with the fact that I might not be a mom. I have lived without this hope for a number of years, maybe hiding behind it. Chris and I are used to our independent life. Am I too selfish to be a good parent? But it's here in front of me now.

And instantly I'm afraid.