I am 15 weeks exactly today. Little navel oranges according to my nifty little ticker up there. All the books tell you in your 16th week you might start to feel the flutterings of movement.
Right on schedule I was awakened at 2am with unmistakable flutterings of movement in my belly. It woke me right up out of a dead sleep. It was the craziest and most amazing feeling I've ever felt. Very much like the fluttering wings of a butterfly.
I'm amazed at the beauty of creating life.
It's raining here today. Spring is on it's way, like a sign. New beginnings.
I like it. I like it a lot.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Realizations
So I'm lying here in bed and all of a sudden it hits me: I'm going to be a Mom. I'm going to be responsible for 2 living, breathing human beings for the rest of my life.
It's funny how something that started so abstract is slowly coming into focus. Seeing the babies on the ultrasound screen kind of really did it for me, moreso now, because they are actually looking more and more human. These creatures are inside me, growing and developing every day. It kind of blows your mind.
In my brain, I'm focusing on lists, things we need to do, things we need to buy, doctors appointments, tests, blood work.. You know, practicalities. My heart has been guarded. Each step in this long process has brought me closer to reality, but at any given instant, things could always go horribly wrong. I've seen it. Now though, it's real. It's happening. And here comes that standby: fear.
But you know, women for generations, thousands of years have had babies. Why can't I? I can, and that's the first time in a very long time I can actually say that. I can do this. I will. It's in me, it's just been hiding.
Here's my babies from the 13 week scan. Aren't they beautiful? I'm still hoping for one of each. We will know in about 5 weeks. I hope!
- Posted from my iphone!
It's funny how something that started so abstract is slowly coming into focus. Seeing the babies on the ultrasound screen kind of really did it for me, moreso now, because they are actually looking more and more human. These creatures are inside me, growing and developing every day. It kind of blows your mind.
In my brain, I'm focusing on lists, things we need to do, things we need to buy, doctors appointments, tests, blood work.. You know, practicalities. My heart has been guarded. Each step in this long process has brought me closer to reality, but at any given instant, things could always go horribly wrong. I've seen it. Now though, it's real. It's happening. And here comes that standby: fear.
But you know, women for generations, thousands of years have had babies. Why can't I? I can, and that's the first time in a very long time I can actually say that. I can do this. I will. It's in me, it's just been hiding.
Here's my babies from the 13 week scan. Aren't they beautiful? I'm still hoping for one of each. We will know in about 5 weeks. I hope!
- Posted from my iphone!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Milestones
I'm not sure why, but doctors will place the second trimester at either the 12th or 13th week of pregnancy. I will be 13 weeks tomorrow, so either way, I'm finally out of the first tri. It has seemed like forever because I knew literally the day, hour even, of conception. Most women don't even realize they are pregnant until they are 8-9 weeks. I've known FOREVER it seems! :)
Tomorrow is a big day! Our screening ultrasound, and meeting our new (again, I know!) doctor. I hope we can get to take home a picture of the babies, but in the meantime, I'll leave you with a picture of my current ones:
Tomorrow is a big day! Our screening ultrasound, and meeting our new (again, I know!) doctor. I hope we can get to take home a picture of the babies, but in the meantime, I'll leave you with a picture of my current ones:
Friday, February 4, 2011
Growing Pains
I have never been pregnant before. So this journey is fraught with new experiences at every turn. I have no idea what is 'normal' and what might be unusual, except to read pregnancy books, listen to people who have been there before, and lean on my support group that is going through the same things that I am now. I'm learning each of these options holds it's own dangers! Books tend to be fatalistic when it comes to nutrition guidelines. If you aren't eating your correct allotment of fruits, veggies and proteins; if you are succumbing to sugar treats now and again, your kid or kids will come out with 3 eyeballs and obese for life. No thanks! I'm just trying to eat what I can right now to survive! If that means frying up some hot dogs, then hot damn, that's what I'm going to do!
Talking to friends who have been there isn't much better. They project their own experiences on to me (especially the bad ones I find!). Oh you just wait they say. XYZ is on the way! The one advantage of being practically ancient being pregnant is that most of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant a dogs age ago. Times have changed in 15 years! Plus, what kind if friend tells me the most gory of goriest birth stories with pleasure?! Thanks but no thanks!
I'm so thankful to have a wonderful support group in place already of women who have just gone through ART with me who have had success. Most are first time mom's, some already have kids. The great thing is that we are going through this together at the same time, so when I explain my hot dog plight, they are right there with me.
I still don't really 'feel' pregnant, but that's probably because I haven't been sick. At all. I'm worried that nothing is happening down there, but at the same time, things ARE happening. At times, especially now, in the middle of the night, I feel my abs literally ripping. This is because my uterus is rising up out of my pelvis. I'm happy for this, because at least soon I will look pregnant, even if I'm not feeling it!
I check my day-by-day progress with 'the bump', because you know, there's an app for that!
Less than 2 weeks till ultrasound. I'm stoked to see the little ones. It might make it just a little more real, because frankly, I still feel like it's just a dream.
Talking to friends who have been there isn't much better. They project their own experiences on to me (especially the bad ones I find!). Oh you just wait they say. XYZ is on the way! The one advantage of being practically ancient being pregnant is that most of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant a dogs age ago. Times have changed in 15 years! Plus, what kind if friend tells me the most gory of goriest birth stories with pleasure?! Thanks but no thanks!
I'm so thankful to have a wonderful support group in place already of women who have just gone through ART with me who have had success. Most are first time mom's, some already have kids. The great thing is that we are going through this together at the same time, so when I explain my hot dog plight, they are right there with me.
I still don't really 'feel' pregnant, but that's probably because I haven't been sick. At all. I'm worried that nothing is happening down there, but at the same time, things ARE happening. At times, especially now, in the middle of the night, I feel my abs literally ripping. This is because my uterus is rising up out of my pelvis. I'm happy for this, because at least soon I will look pregnant, even if I'm not feeling it!
I check my day-by-day progress with 'the bump', because you know, there's an app for that!
Less than 2 weeks till ultrasound. I'm stoked to see the little ones. It might make it just a little more real, because frankly, I still feel like it's just a dream.
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