Oh how the time, she flies!

I can’t believe I’m in the throes of another cycle. It seemed to have crept up on me so fast, and has so far has flown by. I guess it just seems faster this time.

It’s been a difficult last few months since I had my semi failed cycle. I still don’t know what to call it. In the IVF world, when you say ‘chemical pregnancy’, people immediately understand. Yes I was pregnant, but only for a short time. How do you explain it to people who don’t know any of this stuff? I suppose this is why I haven’t told many people. Fewer people to tell when it all goes horribly wrong. Fewer pained looks and hollow apologies for something they have nothing to be sorry for.

It’s been difficult but endurable. Did I crawl into my bed and not come out for days? Well no. That’s not me, never has been. I had my days, but I’m the strong, stoic type remember? I keep that shit to myself. And push it down down down so that it’s a tiny speck at the tip of my toes, so that I don’t have to deal with it every day. Denial much? Anywhoo, it got me through every day.

I’m going in again with eyes wide open this time. It was scary that first time, not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what the time line would be. Endless optimism that I would be first time lucky and wouldn’t have to deal with negatives, or rising and falling betas and the horrible limbo I lived for 2 weeks. Pregnant? Yes, but…

I’m happy to report knowing what I’m getting into has so far worked to my advantage. I had a nurse tell me my injections were to start 8 days after they should have. I fixed that up right quick. I’m already 9 days into my injections. 8am Orgalutran, 6pm Puregon and Repronex, day after day. I’ll know more tomorrow, but I’m probably looking at retrieval in 4-5 days, transfer a week from now. HUH? How did it get here so fast? Not that I’m complaining. I’m starting to feel bloaty and uncomfortable, but otherwise just dandy.

So by Christmas, I’ll either be knitting booties or maybe just crawling under those bedsheets. We’ll soon see.