Big day tomorrow!

So tomorrow is our consent signing, ultrasound and talk with Dr. Claman. So exciting and a little nerve wracking!! But anxious to get the ball rolling, see where we stand, get a timeframe and maybe a protocol. Good stuff.

I was thinking about expectations of friends and family when going through IVF, and it's a hotly debated item on the ivf board. How many people do you tell and when? This has to be a very personal and individual thing. I'm so glad I have the support of a very few people that I have decided to share this journey with from the start. These are people that either understand what I am going through because they have or had fertility issues themselves, or just know me so well they love and support me and will be with me through the whole thing (you know who you are!) I'm sure everyone else will be happy when the miraculous news of my pregnancy hits the airwaves, but everyone doesn't need to know how I got there, and the gory details of every bloodtest and ultrasound.

The truth of the matter is I'm a very private person. But in exploring this, do I internalize most of my emotions, or am I indifferent to them? I think that is the great thing about blogging, because it forces me to think about things and not just shut myself off to what's happening in my life.

I remember vividly a girlfriend that was going through IVF telling everyone about her journey. She was totally different than me, and although it was really difficult for her to tell everyone about her miscarriages, she needed that love and support from all of her close friends. Myself, on the other hand, I would rather not have to do that. I'll continue to internalize 80% of what I'm feeling, and let the rest of it fall to those who I've allowed in to help me with.

Also, I'm not one of those girls that MUST have a baby in order to be fulfilled as a woman. I think. Pretty sure. I haven't been through the pain of a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage, so I don't know how I would handle that. There are many women on the ivf board who have been going through this process for years.. Procedure after procedure, try after try. It's crazy. I've been given this amazing opportunity, and for our sakes, I so wish that it will happen for us, but desperately? At all costs?

We are going to give it 3 tries. If it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be. And we will deal with it then. For now, let's just say I have reserved hope that we can do this. Cautiously optomistic (because i gotta protect my heart in case it doesn't).

And baby makes 3. or 4. Whatever :)


Special thanks to Di, who is a fantastic listener :)