Huge update, sorry it took so long!

I’ve started this post two or three times already, but couldn’t come up with the words to describe this truly amazing thing that is happening to me. It’s been a little overwhelming, emotionally and physically.

I suppose I left off the night of trigger. It was weird the next day, not having to take any shots. I had become so used to my injection schedule running my life. 8 am orgalutran, 6pm repronex and puregon. Day after day.

The morning of egg retrieval was full of excitement and apprehension. How many follicles would be mature? How many eggs would I get? How many would fertilize? It seems with this process you are always waiting for something. Waiting for the next step, or the next news. You never seem to be out of the woods. I have to say the drugs they gave me for my retrieval were fine! I was a giggling school girl. Chris was amused at my antics while waiting and in the procedure room. The blood pressure monitoring seemed to be the source of my amusement. I felt no pain at all. When Dr. V went to my left ovary first, I didn’t even flinch. Impressive, the nurse said! I didn’t even know they had started! I felt a bit of a pinch on the right side, but again, not uncomfortable at all.

In all, they retrieved 12 follicles, and 10 eggs. Then they mixed with Chris’s boys and the next morning the report came back 9 fertilized! Amazing! We were scheduled for a 5 day transfer, which is everyone’s wish in the IVF world.

So we wait 5 days for transfer. Of course they don’t give you a play by play to know how your little guys are doing, so on Friday I was wondering how all the little ones did, but happy that they hadn’t called me early for a 3 day transfer instead. Full bladder ultrasounds and I do not mix. The last time I did one I had a full on panic attack, and it was horrible. So this time I erred on the side of not drinking enough. HA! So, my procedure was pushed back a bit while I drank some more. In the end, we put in 2 little embies. One full blast, and one morula that was just on the cusp of being a blast. I’m happy with that. None of our other guys were of sufficient quality to freeze though. I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I mean we had 9 to start, and only ended up with 2?

Here is a little picture of the procedure. This is a picture of the scan, so not all that great, but you can see 2 white spots on the left. Those are air bubbles, and the babies are in between those 2 bubbles. Dr. L was excellent. Patient with my bladder, funny and put us at ease instantly :)




It’s been 8 days since the transfer. I’ve had no problems with hyperstimulation, no symptoms, except a dull ache in my nether regions that’s been pretty constant. I don’t know what’s going on down there. Today is Saturday and I go for my blood test on Wednesday. 4 more days. The waiting is horrible. I haven’t had any spotting or blood at all. Did it work? Did one or both take? Am I pregnant for real?

Time will tell. A beta (blood test) on Wednesday, an ultrasound 3 weeks after that, and I’m still not in the clear. You wait and hope you don’t have a miscarriage. Like I said, the waiting and worry never ends. I’m not a God believer, but I still pray, plead, beg for this to happen for me, for us, for our family. I talk to the little babies in my belly and hope they settle in for a long comfy ride to this world.

Promise I’ll write more soon.

Trigger happy

So this is really it. I just did my final injection of this (hoping only) cycle. The trigger shot. Holy crap.

I've felt horrible all day. Bloated, gassy, crampy. Let's just say there's a lot going on down there right now. I'd love to wear jammy jams to work tomorrow, because I don't think any of my pants will fit.

I'm nervously excited for what's to come. They are taking my eggs outside of my body, and returning little babies next week. Science is so freaking awesome! It staggers the mind, truly.

I'd write more, but I'm just so tired all the time, I'm falling asleep as I write this. More soon, promise.

It's almost time!

Update: My follicles are progressing nicely! 5 on the left measurable, and 3 on the right, hangin in, and a bunch more that are really close.

I met Dr. Min today. I have to say all the doctors there are super nice. AND they make you feel like they haven't *just* looked at your chart, even though they have. When I met Dr. Kortarba yesterday, she thought maybe I might trigger today, but Dr. Min wanted to give it 1 more day for some of the smaller follicles to catch up. SUPER! More injections! 1 more bloodwork and ultrasound appointment tomorrow and I will know for sure.

This means that my retrieval will be on Sunday, so I don't have to miss work. Then transfer will be Wednesday or Friday, just in time for the long weekend! WAHOO! Seriously, I could be (WILL BE) pregnant by next weekend. Crazy. Insane. FAST! BAAAAH! I'm so happy I have follicles. When I found out I was a poor responder on top of my tubal issues, that guilt thing popped up again. If I can't make a baby naturally, will I be a mother naturally? Did we wait to long? Will I be able to grow follicles? Are my parents wasting crazy amounts of money for something that won't work? Why can't things be easy? Well here is my answer. It might not be easy, but it sure is fast!

I mean I wanted it to happen fast, but holy crap. I hope it works I hope it works I hope it works. I'm tired all the time. Probably the drugs, but probably also being up at 5:30 to drive into the city, poke, prod, drive back (usually to work).

Everyone says I will be a great mom. Chris thinks so, and that's what's important. I already know how it's going to be. He'll be fun dad, and I'll be tough mom. Story of my life! Well I am a good mom to my furbabies, because they tell me so, and they don't lie.

It's Milo's birthday today! Happy Birthday big boy!

The face of infertility

It's crazy the emotions us infertiles go through in the pursuit for children, particularly the IVF roller coaster. I saw this stark contrast today while I was in for my scan, literally in the space of about 2 minutes.

As I was leaving my appointment with my RE, a happy enough meeting -as I now have 6 follicles - I ran into a couple who looked as though they were just leaving ER, or maybe ET. They were in scrubs, and she was crying tears of joy. I felt so happy for her!

Then I saw the complete opposite as I made my way to the parking lot. One woman, alone, crying on the curb. I went over to comfort her. She had just received her Beta test results back from her transfer, and it was negative. So sad.

This can be a cruel and unrelenting process.

My thoughts are with both of these sisters.


- Posted from my iphone!

Happy birthday to me

Maybe my last childless birthday today, and I felt pretty much alone. Kind of sad, I suppose too, in a hormonal kind of way. I had my trusty Milo with me though, he always keeps me company!

Missing Chris as I usually do on Sundays. It's hard him being away for the weekends. I sure hope he can find work closer by the fall. The thought of him taking another layoff over the winter if I am pregnant is not ideal from a financial point of view. We barely made it through last winter. Bare minimums on everything! That is one stress I could definitely do without.

I go in again in the morning for bloodwork and ultrasound again. I hope it's good news!


- Posted from my iphone!

Stimming... so ... fun?

I swear I'm turning into a pincushion. Not the most pleasant thing, injecting yourself multiple times a day. Most of the injections are fine, I'm not one of those faint-at-the-sight-of-needles kind of girl. Injecting myself is a new twist though! Not a big fan of the repronex. The manual mixing of liquid into powder has a LOT of room for error, and when you don't get it quite right, the body suffers. Not enough diluent will result in a swollen, itchy belly. Like crazy itchy. This has happened to me twice.

The worst is having to do it at work on late nights. I mean really, jamming myself into the bathroom or the sweatbox lunch room upstairs with my pouch of goodies? If it wasn't so time sensitive, I'd say screw it and wait till I get home, but I'm a good little patient, and I can't risk screwing this up for the sake of personal dignity. HA!

As I get further into the process, I really see how this can start to take over your life. Sorry, I can't make it to your ball game Chris, it's in the middle of when I have to jab myself. The hormones are kicking in too. I feel sometimes like I'm going to lose my shit over the smallest things. I just have to keep reminding myself that it'll all work out in the end. And freaking PRAY I don't have to do this multiple times!

I had my first bloodwork and ultrasound appointment yesterday. Leaving at 6:30am to drive to Ottawa, sit in the waiting room with a dozen or so other women waiting to be stuck and prodded. Drive back and go to work for the rest of the day. Good times. I did get to meet one of the message board girls though, so that was fun. A little friendly support from someone else who is going through it right now really helps.


I have 2 follicles so far. Boo, I was hoping for more. But it's early yet, and I have lots more drugs to take. Fantastic.

More drugs, then more poking and prodding Monday morning.

the baby will wait for no one!

AF is here early, again. I swear, this is all happening rather fast!!

I start my stimulation drugs tomorrow then! WAHOO!